Build the Ultimate Self-Care Routine By Embracing the Power of NO
by Brittany Jorel
2 years ago
Before reading this blog post, I want you to take a moment and say "No" out loud (or in your head).
How did that make you feel?
Now I want you to say it again, but with just a little more sass.
If saying "no" felt hard or uncomfortable, then girl, his post is for you!
If you are a "Yes Ma’am," people-pleasing woman, then this post is also for you!
I've struggled with saying "no" to others, especially when the request comes from a family member, close friend, or client. But, with a few simple tips and a little bit of practice, it gets easier. And soon saying "no" is going to feel so damn good!
If you are ready to Embrace the Power of NO, then keep reading below!
No is a negative word associated with rejection, disappointment, or disapproval. When we hear the word “no," we may feel like we have done something wrong or inadequate. And at times, that two-letter word can make us feel powerless.
But why is saying "no" so hard?
Our people-pleasing attitude is often rooted in childhood. We receive praise for being "mummy's little helper" or a reward for agreeing to do a task we otherwise wouldn't have done. In our adolescence, we subconsciously begin identifying the word "no" with rejection or disappointment. Knowing how uncomfortable those emotions can make us feel, guilt begins to creep within us as we start to feel ashamed in disappointing others. But if we are being honest, we probably feel a little resentment towards that person too.
That is why we tend to say "Yes" to the things that we don't want to.
Have you ever said "yes" to a request because you felt like you had to? Yup me too! I didn't want to decline the ask or invite because I was worried it would hurt the other person's feelings, which is why we need to take a little lesson from a two-year-old.
If you have a toddler at home or niece/nephew that is around the age of two, you will know they are pros at saying no. That's because a child is following their instinct! They aren't worried about how their parent, caregiver, or even sibling will react to this simple word. They don't overthink the possible consequences, and they aren't trying to be mean. Toddlers speak how they feel, and if they say no, it's because that is what they want.
As we grow older, most of us tend to use the word "no" less and less. We begin to overthink the consequences of using this word, fearing judgment, hurting the feelings of others, or how this response might make us look. Females also have a much more difficult time saying "no" because women tend to worry about how our actions will affect others or if our answer will start some sort of conflict.
But girl, we need to do our adult selves favor, embrace our inner two-year-old and say how we are feeling. We need to start changing our mindset from "how will this make the other person feel" or "how will this make me look" to "what do I really want.”
"When you say No to Something you don't want, you say YES to something you do want" - Shanshera Quinn.
Are you reading this, nodding your head? That's okay, and I want you to know that you aren't the only one struggling with this situation. That is why I created these
5 simple tips to help you Embrace the Power of No!
- Tune Into You: Since we are so used to saying “yes," we may no longer even know what it is that we ACTUALLY want. Recognizing if you wish to say yes or no to something can be hard, which is why I encourage you to tune into you. Listen carefully to your initial feelings when someone asks you to do something. Do you instantly feel excited? Or did a sense of dread or anxiety overcome you? Pay attention to that feeling!
- Am I Doing This For Me: If you still feel unsure of how to respond, I want you to get in the habit of asking yourself, "am I doing this for me"? Remember, every time you say "yes" to something, you say "no" to something else. Declining a request because it is not for you is not selfish; if anything, it is the start of self-care.
- Practice: Practice makes champions, and I want you to be the champion of your own life. But I understand that saying "no" to every ask might make you feel anxious, so start with the small things. The next time you are offered a drink at the hairdresser's or the server asks you to see the dessert menu, simply say "no thank-you" and mentally note how that response makes you feel.
- No Excuses Needed: Have you ever made up a little white lie or told your friends you weren't feeling well because all you wanted to do was stay at home? Often, we guilt ourselves into providing a reason for turning down an invite or request. But girl, you don't need to explain your decision to anyone.
- Say No: There are a variety of ways in which you can politely decline an invite or turn down an offer. Try using these phrases instead:
By following these simple steps above, you will begin to feel more free, confident, and happy. Now go embrace the power of no! You've got this girl!
If you are looking for some self-help books I recommend:
- "The Power of No" by Claudia Azula and James Altucher
- "How to say no without feeling guilty" by Connie Hatch and Patti Breitman.
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